Thursday, March 31, 2005

Gritting teeth

Apparently, even very wealthy people with nothing to do but smile for the camera don't like smiling for the camera. Fuck a link. Go here:

As much as I link to the Guardian, you wouldn't know it, but I fucking hate the British.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Wednesday Hit Count

is disappointing, people. How about some enthusiastic rapture?

In other news, my roommate is 'not very interesting.' His words.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Dog-whistle politics

Yeah, how come there wasn't massive uproar about Bush's 2004 State of the Union address, in which he referenced 'He who guides the unfolding of the ears' ??? (link forthcoming, damnit)



Not by Hitchcock; self-destruction, 'will to fail'. My computer is still even more useless than any of you. I guess it has an internal cooling system, so that's not necessarily true.

Cloudy days in New Haven make a man eager to get his teeth into some fresh human flesh. Without my own computer or other means of media thought-implantation (only the Actual God reveals FoxNews to me, and that is what we call 'direct worship': the actual rod is infinitely less powerful as he doesn't have cable or even a credible television), I've had a chance to reprogram myself in the image of Skeletor from He-man. A little more cynical, skull-faced. Modern. (link to amusing picture forthcoming)

What do these bastards want from me, I wonder? Do they have brains with which to want??? Do these goddamn fascists really want anything but attention? They Have No Shame, and I capitalize with reason, and fucking authority--propaganda is increasingly the art of the times...If a gaze out of the frame (I learned this phrase in a Film Studies class and haven't had a chance to use it since) has ever meant nothing, it is now. And that is not because of the frequency with which we have these oatmeal-brained charlatan pundits stare at us complacently from their rectal-massage seats on Hardball with Chris Matthews and its ilk. It is because they actually don't exist.

You heard it here first, Judy Woodruff is a hologram. And yes, hologram technology still has a long way to go.

Interesting sidenote: visit this address--,9865,1432991,00.html

I really don't know what to think about it. Should necrophiliac ducks get marriage benefits? I didn't say gay.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Rejoice, thirsty masses

for I have returned. My computer is still ailing, so I may not post regularly for a couple days, but I didn't want anybody losing all purpose in their lives. I received many pleas to end my hiatus from blogging, so I know how important I am to all of you.

So chill.

Can someone tell me how macs are considered 'user-friendly'??? I can't even post a link in this shit.

...I just discovered that I'm deprived of my only amusing schtick, so this isn't really that fun. What do y'all think about Schiavo? I haven't read enough jokes/inane debate about her yet. Keep it coming. Culture of life, yadda yadda...why don't you let the bitch ownership her own society? Shit, that ain't even funny.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

It's that fire

Perhaps the best music video ever.


When I come through, clear it out
Play the sideline and observe
How a real nigga air it out


Saturday, March 05, 2005

Sistani & Law, part II

In response to the widespread popular interest in my first section on Sistani's enlightening edicts, I've been forced to offer my own analysis of his historical importance not only as regards Islamic jurisprudence, but in a World-Historical sense. Sistani, after all, is a maker and shaker of the modern Middle East. He cannot be overlooked.

First, feedback from the thirsty masses:

M. Curry, Hoboken NJ:
Dear Mr. Justice,
Thank you for your post re: Sistani's legal opinions. That shit was

A. God, Gambler's Hell:
I can't believe that's on his FUCKING website!!! I love gambling/porn!!!

D. Berger, Ottawa, Ontario:
I'm a fag! I don't actually have a question, but here's a link to

J. Negroponte, Baghdad, Iraq:
Do you like my fresh new Burberry scarf?!? It's bangin, right? Anyway, stop writing that Muslim shit or we will reprogram you and/or fucking kill you in an embarrassing position. I have
death squads, bitch...Christ, I'm so lonely.

There you have it. My phone was ringing off the hook; apparently, people just can't get enough of the righteous justice of Grand 'Ayatollah 'Ali Sistani.

As to Sistani's ruling on chess, which my beloved colleague Justin terms "beyond wrong": there are some interesting contradictions in fiqh on the issue of chess. Some may say that Shi'ism is a fucked up religion because it explicitly allows anal sex and temporary marriages (read: prostitution) while outlawing chess. That is fucked up. The impropriety of chess isn't a cut-and-dry issue, however. 'Ayatollah Khomeini was of the opinion that chess for fun, without gambling was not haram. If so, then why did his Committees for the Prevention of Vice and Propagation of Virtue take an active role in destroying all chess sets in the aftermath of the Revolution? Why, in recent years, has there been a resurgence in anti-chess clerical rulings? The reasons are political--it has been deemed by the ruling clerical establishment in Iran (which is probably under 10% of the entire Shi'i clergy in the country) to be a 'monarchic' game. Once again, we can't forget that reason isn't the strong suit of fascists; these were the same people that tried to destroy Persepolis. Yeah, I am calling the ruling 'ulama fascists (surprised?). More on that later.

There really isn't much to these rulings. In the context of politics, they are always going to be politicized, and they don't say much about Shi'ism, which I personally think is quite a beautiful and misrepresented faith. I think that Sistani will gradually emerge from his relative silence as a more active political figure. He is very very old, but so was Khomeini during the Revolution. He is waiting for the right moment in which to fill the vacuum, and with the current wrangling for the creation of a government, that vacuum seems to be nearly ready for him. The vultures are circling Baghdad like Europeans around Poland (three times). The smart ones just know to follow Negroponte.

Sistani isn't Khomeinic enough to make any real noise until the vacuum exists. The United Iraqi Alliance may make promises to uphold secularism, etc. at this point, but Khomeini originally did as well. He didn't keep that promise, and I don't think Sistani intends to either (I still kind of like him though, he seems holy from his website).

Yes, our fiery trail of death is just beginning, and the neocons, of course, are intent on fucking even more shit up. The elections were a political tool and Bush has used them to their fullest extent. They are done. Don't expect real democracy for awhile; that would help Sistani and it wouldn't help the realization of the stated PNAC goal of creating 'multiple simultaneous theater wars', and the neocons knew it before we did, and that's why the interim constitution makes it so difficult for the victorious United Iraqi Alliance to form a government.

My prediction: amid instability and the absence of a government, the recently-elected Iraqi National Assembly will be dissolved, Allawi will stay on as Prime Minister-for-life, and J-Negs will order some killings. The foaming-at-the-mouth racist Turkish military will start a civil war in Kurdistan, and Sadr will eventually put his ambitions aside, join Sistani, and they will lead another popular uprising against American tyranny in the south. It is safe to bet that Sistani is shrewder than we think; I give him the upper hand. Violent times.

Outlaw chess. Mix well. Serve.

Historical Precedent of the Week: Scowling is NOT diplomacy

As my esteemed colleague Mr. Daniel Munz pointed out earlier, the Bush administration has taken an increasingly petulant tone towards the rest of the world. I would normally find this funny, but it is depressingly revealing of what's to come in the next four years. "Punishing" sovereign states (a term that has been used in reference to with Canada, linked above, and France) because they make certain decisions that may not please the neocon cabal is not foreign policy, and yet the new Secretary of State seems all for it.

It is juvenile, as others have said and it indicates a hardening of the administration line. The most appalling thing about this turn in American foreign policy is how it turns decisions of other nations, no matter how rational, into grave offenses. It is very, very ominous that the Bush Administration is playing 'victim' to Canadian independence. Why? Well, there's a bit of
historical precendent.

White homeless people

What is the deal? They subjugate the world and force it into free and/or very cheap labor, they parasitically take everyone else's shit, and there are still white people asking me for change? Have they no shame?

I don't know, is this a controversial subject? It shouldn't be. I don't think white people have any excuse. Alright, crazy white people I can see as having an excuse/no shame. But only
really crazy/shameless.

From the 'About Me' section:

I'm baaaaaaack! If you thought I was going to slink away - then
you don't know much about me. Someone still has to battle the Left and now
that I've emerged from the crucible, I'm stronger than before.

Despite all the pleas from the Left to go over to the 'dark side' and
expose the 'corrupt Bush administration' simply isn't going to happen. My
faith and my ideology are rock solid.

Still, the last few weeks have been difficult for my family and my
associates. To them I offer my apology and gratitude for their

In regard to the allegations about my personal life, I have been advised by
my attorneys not to comment on any of the details pending the outcome of any
possible legal action I might pursue. Therefore, I won't be discussing any
of that stuff here.

Pleas from the Left? The only pleas I hear are for the truth. Pleas to the effect of, "Mr. President, how did a man with no credentials, operating under an alias and posing as a reporter from an uncredited agency, get continued clearance to the White House Press Room and access to classified CIA documents?" or, "Why is the Bush administration so bent on wasting taxpayer money on airtime for planted questions?" No pleas for Gannon to do shit. Considering what a breach of public trust his presence in the White House ought to cause, he's had it relatively easy...but I wonder how his family feels about that military prostitution thing he had going on the side.

Of the flies congregating around the putrid shit heap that is neoconservatism, I'd say Gannon is the least coherent. That's a real accomplishment, because coherence has never been a strong concern of
megalomaniacal fascists (yeah, that was obvious. What, bitch?). Batshit fucking crazies. And what's he trying to pull with the column 'Fear and Loathing in the Press Room'??? Can anyone tell me why he has to tread over HST's journalistic corpse??? Is it not enough that he's already tainted the American tradition of free press with his presence?

Fear and Loathing on the New Haven streets.

Friday, March 04, 2005

But even more painful

are my readership stats. Echoing my boy Dan, I must say, I'm disappointed in all my readers. Spread the goddamn word. Is it that hard? I'm slaving here just to amuse you.

However, my shit actually peaked on Wednesday, which was Delino and Salam's weak day.

My theory: all of our readers first visited my blog on Wednesday, then committed ritualistic mass suicide after reading my earth-shattering refutation of Milton Friedman's racist arguments and being hit by the inescapable realization that their lives were meaningless save for sacred, sacred consumption.

Did you know that the Walton family's (of Walmart) total assets are over $90 billion (and they still can't carry a basketball that won't crack within two weeks)? That's larger than the GDP of many many countries, including Pakistan and Bangladesh, both of which have populations of just under 150 million.

The moral of the story: keep coming to this blog, post, and join me in condemning Walmart/the Walton family of their obvious decadent cryptofascism.

And check out the UN News Service, it's not as bad as Pravda.

Excruciating pain

So, I broke my ass on AG's stairs last night, and it's a terrible feeling.

First of all, I fell, on my ass, down mad stairs. That's retarded.

In addition, sitting down and standing up are now equally painful. I could brood about this, but instead, I just think 'hey, at least I'm not an African afflicted with AIDS.'

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Blogs are gay

No new realization, but it's nearly impossible to write anything without sounding like a complete (gay) douchebag.

In other news, maybe Wilhelm Reich wasn't so crazy after all.

What is gangsta?

We have fallen on confusing times, my children. My gangsta credentials are, of course, impeccable, and as a result, my fans have been begging me to answer the question: what is gangsta??? (not to be confused with the Jim Jones song of the same name)

My dear friend and colleague Jeremy over at Finnegan's Wake dropped knowledge on the recent beef between rappers 50 Cent and Game, both of G Unit; in the same thread, I nearly dropped the truth. Not completely, however. An random conversation with my roommate about Afrika Bambaataa inspired me to delve into the history (and historiography) of gangsta.

Specifically, I took issue with Jeremy's proclamation of the incident mentioned as 'gangsta'.

Urban gangs in the US are not the homogenous, simply destructive minority conspiracy that the fascist/racists at the DEA would like us to see. Indeed, the popular conception of 'thug' and 'gangsta' as de facto synonyms for 'destructive'/'self-destructive' indicates the triumph of that racist ideology. But gangs, as social units, require more study. In the cases of white/European ethnic gangs (Italian/Jewish/Irish/Russian/Polish etc. etc.), they provided social cohesion and mobility for their members.

All the more depressing, then, is the way that many rappers constantly seek to expand their commercial success by catering to this vulgar simplification of the gang concept. It is this very tendency that has contributed to the squalor and misery of the black inner city; if gangs are a form of escape from misery, they do not just exist for exclusive members, but the whole community. It is just that, in the case of black gangs, they haven't contributed to/accompanied a rise in living standards for their given social group. I would blame this on crack, the racism of the white man, government incompetence, and idiots like 50.

The Black Panthers, Vicelords, and Blackstone Rangers are all examples of 'gangs' that were not created to tear at the fabric of their communities, but rather to strengthen them. On the topic of the VLs, I suggest David Dawley's Nation of Lords.

So no, it is not naturally gangsta to be as violent and destructive as 50 and Game have chosen to be; it is not even that hard. 50's new album 'The Massacre' is coming's just good marketing.

Our traditional exaltation of 'thug' has got to end, not just because pushing crack on a street corner does nothing positive for anybody, but because it is precisely those notions that contribute to the endless cycle of brutality and hate. Brutality and hate have allowed the collective white man to divide and conquer. A real thug doesn't allow the outside world to control his people. Malcolm X was thug.

Afrika Bambaataa is thug. Not only did he found hip-hop, but he co-opted his gang, the Black Spades (this is probably a good time to stop lying to ourselves by saying that nothing good ever came from politics; nothing has come from anything but politics), and converted them into a productive social/cultural force (the 'Zulu Nation'). As passe as it may be, here's the new Onion interview with him. Here's the main hotness:

"The Universal Zulu Nation stands to acknowledge wisdom, understanding, freedom, justice, and equality, peace, unity, love, and having fun, work, overcoming the negative through the positive, science, mathematics, faith, facts, and the wonders of God, whether we call him Allah, Jehovah, Yahweh, or Jah."

That is gangsta. Having your friend shoot your so-called enemy's friend in front of the recording studio is decidedly not gangsta, and it isn't taking us, collectively, anywhere--it just publicizes an ignorance and reactionary tribalism that will only aid in the collective white man's agenda of subjugation. I don't give a fuck how much 50 makes off his next album unless he's willing actually to do something with it. A position of prominence should not be wasted with such childish irresponsibility.

By the way, don't question me or my verbosity, or I will stab you.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Fuck Milton Friedman, pt. I

I meant to write this up as my first post, but then I forgot about it for awhile. Nonetheless, I'd like to make it clear: I hate Milton Friedman. Fuck that dead euphemism-slinging fascist motherfucker (is he really still alive?). Some people argue that I use the term "fascist" too freely, like the guy pictured in the previous post.

I tell him that's my point...and Milton Friedman is definitely a fascist. Why? I must be offending all of the neoclassical economists that read my blog, so I'd best offer an explanation.

In his book Free to Choose: A Personal Statement, Friedman tells us in the most simple (read: simplistic) terms that the notion of minimum wage is bad because it keeps people out of jobs (and we ought to blame the unions):

The law says that...a person may be hired only if the employer is willing to pay him or her (in 1979) $2.90 an hour. Unless an employer is willing to add 90 cents in charity to the $2.00 that the person's services are worth, the teenager will not be employed. It was always been a mystery to us why a young person is better off unemployed from a job that would pay $2.90 an hour than employed at a job that does pay $2.00 an hour.

Then he tells us that the minimum wage is actually a social evil because it keeps black teenagers unemployed:

The high rate of unemployment among teenagers, and especially black teenagers, is both a scandal and a serious source of social unrest. Yet it is largely a result of minimum wage laws [my emphasis].

He has also said that the minimum wage is "the most anti-black law on the books". Where should I start? Milton Friedman may be a whole lot smarter than me, but I can certainly spot bullshit a mile away. My point is that all of his more valid economic arguments are/were pinned (though thoughtfully) onto his obvious political biases. He ends up squawking the same doublespeak that is now so in vogue in the ranks of the party of antagonism (I'm linking to them so you can read it for yourselves, but it makes me feel dirty doing it). Yes, throughout the mid-20th century unions often did exclude the urban black working class, but that's no longer an issue since trade unions (except for this one, not so remarkably) are, for the most part, bleeding members. Furthermore, black people in 2005 are more likely to be union members than whites.

So, his argument against unions (which he actually outlines earlier in Free to Choose)is no longer exactly valid, but I contend that it never was...first of all, WHY SHOULD TEENAGERS WORK IN THE UNITED STATES?!?! The implicit assumptions in this assessment of the social situation reveal that he is very deeply racist and not particularly concerned with reality. Here are just two of said assumptions: a) black families won't ever have enough adult providers for teenagers to be supported without working themselves, and b) there will never be a situation in which good public schooling would be a better/more popular option for black kids. Indeed, even if two parents do work and provide for each their children, without a minimum wage, their teenagers still may have to work. And maybe that's his point.

Maybe I'm making way too many jumps here, but these lapses in his argument reveal that the whole social thrust that he tries to employ is nothing but a haphazardly-constructed facade; that's just one example of what I'm talking about in a book full of obfuscation. I can't even remember what a Phillips curve is, but I call bullshit. Bullshit, Milton. You obviously don't care about black people.

addendum: He's actually a fascist because he uses thoroughly aestheticized statements to validate an unrelated and ironically crushing agenda (like widening the gap between paid wages and living wages for precisely those that he says would be helped).

A new dancing sensation: he says I throw the term 'fascist' around too freely. I say he's German.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

I appreciate the praise,

but I am more looking for veneration.

Many people have commented to me on how good this site looks. Thanks!

But FYI, dumbasses, I don't know shit about computers and I'm using a prefab template. Here's another funny picture, since I'm such a funny, irreverent young man.

In the hallway of the Oxford,

I just passed by two things that I despise.

1) The smell of bacon. I don't eat swine, because the Honourable Elijah Muhammad revealed that the swine is the evil Dr. Yacub's machination, a dreadful graft of the cat and the dog... And a man with a hat like that couldn't possibly be making up crazy shit, right?

2) Lame ass Trance music. I'll confess, I can't tell the difference between House and Trance, and I'm proud of it. It's high time we realized that rave culture had no productive impact on society the way 60's psychadelia did. Maybe in Britain, but fuck that. Who likes that shit? Somebody who needs to be kicked in the face, that's who.