Wednesday, December 21, 2005

The Aspens Are Turning, Mr. Koffler

Now that's what I'm talkin about.

UPDATE: NYTimes reported this morning that Mr. "Scandal Jack" Abramoff has reached a plea deal. This is not good for corrupt Republicans on the face of it--which just means we'll be treated to more & more deliciously juicy spin in months to come. Tuck in your bibs, children.

Typing (In Stereo)

I've recently taken to checking the doveish Israeli paper Ha'aretz from time to time. This evening, I came upon an important set of statistics based on a poll of Jews in the United States. There is a particularly interesting question asked by the poll, and I think you'll understand why. These are the reasons given by the 59% of polled American Jews who have never visited Israel as to why they'd never made the trip:

Of those who have never visited Israel, 49 percent cited the cost of the flight as the main reason, while 20 percent said security concerns were the reason, and 18 percent said they had never visited Israel due to "lack of interest."

For the record, I didn't say a word.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

"Turning Corners"

perpetually may reveal a path somewhat like this.

The Actual Rod's Book of Tricks

En homage å mon homonyme:

1) Super Vitamin B-complex, Centrum Performance®, Flaxseed Oil, Ginkgo Biloba (double dose in addition to the 60mg in Centrum Performance), Tamiflu (stolen from That Girl).

2) Stop trimming your chest hair. It's not helping.

3) Smash the corrupt establishment:
a) Actual God
b) Wealthy Republicans who donate to hawkish Democrats
c) Those who misallocate union dues, thereby castrating the American worker
d) Hawkish Democrats who donate to wealthy Republicans
e) The sea of dead eyes

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Recurring Dream:

You know, the one where I'm hours from an execution by the god-state and my only hope lies in the mercy of Kurt Russell?

Hat tip to Eric.

Poll (w/Tax)

Who would you rather be as of today (ie in their current form)--this guy, or this guy?

I think I know the answer!

Reflections on "Nigga", Revisited

A few weeks ago one of my friends (you know who you are), in a burst of insidious stupidity, wrested from me my beloved albeit broken school ID and wrote upon it--on the back, right above the magnetic strip--in green Sharpie:

WQ [My initials] Nigga

Now, I thought of this as nothing more than a minor annoyance for quite some time. I was wrong, reader. Dreadfully wrong.

Yesterday I was collecting hundreds of books for my forthcoming book fort--which will be located in Sherman's Alley--and as I approached the circulation desk to check out these building blocks of my new life, encumbered by the sheer volume (not mass, as I am ripped) of my books, I saw that a very respectable Afro-American man sat behind the desk, ready to help me further my "education".

I set my books down on the desk, and carefully pushed them in his direction, saying "good afternoon" with all the unstressed politeness in the world. He barely responded, and asked for my ID.

He saw it, and he said something I couldn't hear, and I said "I'm sorry?" and he didn't respond. I reached for my ID a little prematurely, drinking deeply from the ever-gushing springs of discomfort. He handed it to me after a brief delay, and began the process of scanning each of my 38 books individually.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Get Some Devastation in the Back

As I awoke from a stress-nap on certain living room couch (I won't say which couch because I don't want to make the other ones jealous), I noticed that it was Sunday morning--time for Talk, Talk, Talk, and inane questions. These Sunday news programs, while worthless, are somewhat necessary for people in the (murdering) business, if only because everyone else sees them too.

FOXNews Sunday is a particular favorite of mine, as my regular readers will no doubt understand. Today the program featured Herr Senator Frist, seen by many as a shoo-in for the Tennessee Republican Presidential primary in 2008 (right now I'm favoring this guy, a recurring character on I am justice--more of a Jacko to my Nost. than a Congdon to my Guac.) About five (5) times, in a row, he repeated denials of torture by US military/intelligence personnel (and I'm slightly paraphrasing, but not much. . .seriously):

". . .we do not torture. The United States does not torture. We just don't, we don't torture. Our President told us himself that we don't torture prisoners. We do not use torture."

Of course.

The whole time, Frist's voice was shaking like a barn door caught between a blood-orgy of feral swine and a Southern Illinois twister. Something seemed amiss--did he doubt himself? Had he seen this picture? Or read this article? Or this more interesting one? Maybe he wishes he'd stayed in the medical professon? Et cetera.

So when I hear, like a constant refrain, the repetition of the obvious fact that the United States does not use torture on prisoners of any sort, I smile warmly in my heart. I think of you, and I also think of Bill.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

This Jew-Baiting Has Got to Stop

Unfortunately for my dear readers, the past few days I've been caught of in a coup de blog that had the blogosphere reeling. For those who don't know, over at Death/Media, I was briefly the head of a caretaker government brought in to clean up after a corrupt and intellectually bankrupt administration.

Whomever feels their Christmas spirit under attack, I beg you to contact me. I've not found one paleface who actually feared that their Christmas traditions were threatened by an onslaught of godless secularism. O'Rielly's seemingly severe anger regarding this topic is obviously simulated.

...and I am obviously uninspired (in case anyone is wondering, that is my sketch of Steve G. looking through tabloids at the New Haven RiteAid. No Walgreens, I know. I'm sorry.).

Thursday, December 08, 2005

No Reason

. . .remains for us to continue this charade. We aren't bloggers. This is a blogger.